


Disgusting

by notarussianspy (crimsoxcore)



Series: racing hearts & ticking clocks - [higurashi oneshots and stories] [4]
Category: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni | Higurashi When They Cry
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Contains headcanons, Demons, Gen, Hinamizawa Syndrome, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Instability, anguish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15493614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsoxcore/pseuds/notarussianspy
Summary: There was a dark presence that followed her out of Hinamizawa that day; because she knew she wouldn’t have a happy life unless returned to hinamizawa and atoned for her sins.





	1. Detachment

“Rena-chan, I’ve made up my mind,” the man insisted. “This isn’t up for debate, okay?”  
Rena’s eyes widened as she nodded slowly. Her father had just out of the blue decided to move to Ibaraki; after being abandoned by his wife and Rena’s mother he decided they could use some change.  
Rena knew it would end badly. She wasn’t sure how she knew it then, but she tried to convince him to stay in Hinamizawa. He didn’t listen of course, so Rena gave up. She wasn’t in a position to rebel against her father anyway.  
She had been plagued with guilt ever since it happened, ever since her mother handed over the divorce papers and left him for another man - one she had told Rena was a friend from work. She took Rena out with him a couple times, telling the same lie each time. Rena never told her father her suspicions, and if she had; he wouldn’t be as heartbroken. He would’ve seen it coming; at the very least, or been the first to break away.  
But she didn’t tell him a thing. She was just as filthy as her mother, Saika Ryuugu. If not worse. She had her blood flowing through her veins, that tainted blood...  
Reluctantly, Rena obeyed her father. She felt the dark cloud hanging over her the entire time, it was there and it was watching her, she was sure of it.  
But her father never noticed a thing. She walked to the car, each step making a distinguished crunching sound.  
Crunch, crunch, crunch... crunch.  
Rena froze. After she had stood still, she heard an additional footstep that didn’t belong to her, and it was dead behind her.   
An extra footstep.  
Oyashiro-sama’s curse.   
She didn’t say a word to her father, because she knew she deserved this. Of course she had to go through this, it was only natural. All her fault.  
This must be Rena’s atonement.


	2. the valley in the shadow

Rena was a reserved girl, and she didn't like to talk about her problems. She was endlessly supportive of her other friends, however, and was always there for them, even if no one else was. She was not only supportive of her friends, but also her father.  
Her mother had left him a while back without warning, and he was constantly blaming himself.  
"What did I do - where did I ever go wrong?"  
His ex-wife never even came to him to talk about it, no, it was her lawyer. The only one with any context at all was Ryuugu Rena, his daughter herself.  
Now keep in mind, she was much younger back then. Much younger. But the memories remain crystal clear in her head.  
In fact, around those couple of months, before her mother popped the big question to her, Rena noticed it all. She noticed her mother going out with this 'friend' more than she ever did with her father, and she noticed how her mother was rarely ever home.  
Her mother had what she referred to as a best friend; He took Rena and her mother out to the carnival, out to eat, etc. Rena sometimes questioned her mother, but it was always the same.  
"Momma, you seem awfully close to that man...are you sure he's just your friend, friend?"  
"Yes, dear. He's a friend from work. Nothing more, nothing less."  
Then she'd smile and pat Rena's head.  
Sometimes, Rena tried to press harder, clearly catching onto something fishy.  
"B-but...Momma..."  
"Yes, sweetheart?"  
"What if you think he's your friend, but he begins to develop feelings for you? He would know you're married already, right Momma? Right?"  
"Yes, of course." She'd always answer in a manner that Rena found to be dismissive. But by then, she'd stop digging for answers. Because Rena knew she wasn't going to get any more information.  
"Oh, okay. Good!" She'd say, smiling sweetly at her mother. But her suspicion was still there. It always was. Rena just hid it very well.  
Until that day.  
The calm summer day, when the air was foggy and the cicadas cried. The day when her mother broke the news to Rena. Not exactly what Rena was expecting to hear, but it didn't surprise her. Rena remembered it clearly. She remembered exactly what her mother had asked her that day.  
"Reina-chan? Do you remember that man?"  
"Um, wasn't his name Akihito?" Rena had asked, pretending not to know exactly where this conversation was going.  
"Reina-chan, Don't you like Akihito-san?"  
She didn't even give Rena a chance to answer. "Hey, Reina-chan, who do you like better? Mommy, or Daddy?"  
Despite Rena's honest preference for her father, she didn't want to hurt her mother's feelings. So she cheerfully exclaimed, "Mommy, of course!"  
So that's when her mother decided to cut straight to the chase. "So, if Mommy and Daddy were to live in separate houses, whose house would you want to live in?"  
This was when Rena first felt her blood begin to boil. How dare her mother drag her into this...  
"Umm," Rena stammered.  
But her mother just kept on flapping her jaws.

"I'm thinking about separating with daddy and marrying Akihito."  
'I knew it! I KNEW IT!' Rena silently screamed, but instead, she managed her composure.  
"I am pregnant," her mother calmly stated.  
That's when Rena completely lost her cool. "I won't go with you," She snarled. "Daddy's house is my home. I don't ever want to see you again."  
"But Rena," Her mom argued. "If you stay with daddy, your life now will be -"  
"Don't call me Reina so easily" Rena interrupted.  
From then on, she went by 'Rena'. The i felt like a fragment of her mother that she did not want to keep.  
Her mind began to fill with toxic thoughts. She tried to relieve them by smashing things, specifically all the possessions her mother had left behind. She would go down to the old dumpster and smash things. No one else has gone to that dumpster since the dam war, so Rena had decided to make it her own domain. Sometimes she went there to smash things, to scream, or even just cry. She found an old van that she would sleep in when she had to get out of the house.  
Her father was always a kind person, and Rena felt so sorry for him. She also felt guilty for never warning him about the signs she'd seen. She deemed herself filthy, just like her mother.  
Worried for her health, and not knowing about Hinamizawa syndrome or it's triggers, her father packed up and moved Rena away to Okinomiya. This didn't make things better, however. If anything, it only made things worse.  
Rena was infected by the hinamizawa syndrome, as she left hinamizawa. She began to believe Oyashiro-sama was angry with her, and she was up all night begging and pleading the ceiling for forgiveness. Eventually, it occurs to her that she'd only ever be forgiven if she moved back to Hinamizawa, which she begged her father, but at first she didn't listen. Her symptoms only worsened.  
She had no friends in school, as the kids there saw her as a freak. That and the syndrome had made her paranoid to the point that it already seemed everyone was out to get her to begin with.  
She began to believe crazy things as she descended further into madness. She began experiencing hallucinations and felt that her blood itself was intoxicated. Maggots, she felt. She felt the maggots of sin crawling inside her bloodstream, wriggling about in her veins.  
She began to scratch at her pale, delicate skin. She even cut herself. Whatever she could do to get rid of this 'tainted blood' her mother had left her. But there were so many of them. The more she got rid of, the more she felt wriggling about. It was of no use. The only way she could escape this would be moving back to Hinamizawa. But her father didn't listen, because he couldn't understand what she was going through.  
So she stopped talking to him about it at all.  
He felt awful not only because his wife had left him without warning, but his daughter was suffering from something horrendous and he couldn't do anything about it.  
He began to resort to drinking.

Rena, on the other hand, hit her last straw.

She went to the school with a large hatchet, smashing all the windows in her school. She had no way of explaining what had happened, other than Oyashiro's curse. Then, she had made a final attempt to rid herself of her tainted blood by slitting open her throat. It was a miracle that Rena was ever able to survive this, as her father rushed her to the emergency room right away.  
After she was okay, her father stopped drinking. He listened to his daughter and returned to Hinamizawa.  
Rena experienced what seemed like an epiphany. She could've sworn she heard a gentle voice in her head apologizing, over and over again. The syndrome was lifted, and she met new friends in Hinamizawa. It seemed she could now finally be happy.


End file.
